Entry 3: A Need To Vent
Hello Mommy,
This week has been full of changes. My last day at Harvest was on Wednesday and to say it was emotional would be an understatement. My life has gone through so many ups and downs since starting there 6 years ago. I've made so many amazing friends that I know will be life long and the experience I gained helped me land my dream job. I had my first official espresso training yesterday for Augie's and I realized that I still have so much more to learn and that excites me but makes me nervous at the same time. We won't open for another couple of weeks so I'm happy they encourage practicing in the warehouse so I can really hone in my skills. More on Augie's later as the weeks go on.
Now I need to vent. As for Harvest, my perspective has drastically changed over the years since first attending in 1999. I know that those who currently work there might not fully agree, and that's fine; to each their own. I originally thought it was going to be like working for Disneyland in a sense. As a christian, I was so excited to work with other christians who would be uplifting prayer warriors and friends. Don't get me wrong, I definitely met plenty of true christians. And I'm far from the "perfect christian". But it was a hard pill to swallow when I ran into others who were not perfect christians as well. It was a harsh reality that I'm glad I was thrown into because I learned how to show more grace and compassion but at the same time, it helped me realize the kind of example I didn't want to be. I fell short often and still do. I love the friends I made over the years but I won't name the ones who really hurt me. When I was having a rough day because my dad had just left, grace wasn't shown. When a friend told me they reached out to a pastor for counseling, he told them that "depression is a choice". That's bullshit. There were employees who would come in with their own cups and mugs and take soda or coffee without paying. At first it was kind of angering how many times we would send out an email about it but eventually we all gave up and decided that was between them and God. That was a super small thing but just kind of got to me from time to time. It was the rest of it that I couldn't stand to hear or see. Especially when it came to my dear friends. There were employees who would treat us at the cafe like servants, like we were beneath them. I was cleaning up a requisition and as I was throwing out the meat and fruit platters, someone said "We usually leave that for the custodians for them to eat". I replied "This has been sitting here for over 6 hours, unrefrigerated and they could get sick" to which he responded "They're just custodians". Umm, WHAT?! I know all sins are the same in God's eyes and that makes me just as much of a sinner as the next person but damn. I can't stand people like that. How dare you say depression is a choice? How dare you not have compassion for someone who just had their father walk out on their family? How dare you say "suicide is not an answer, Jesus is" after someone's loved one commits suicide? What is wrong with you? And to those who know and work there that I love, I can promise you that this has nothing to do with being fired at first for getting pregnant before marriage. What I did was wrong in God's eyes and I understood it, even though it killed me for those 6 hours until someone else stood up for me and graciously gave me another chance. You know who you are and I thank you for that second chance. It allowed me to go on maternity leave when I needed it without suffering too much of a pay cut. You had compassion and grace when I definitely needed it most. If some of my friends take offense to reading this, I apologize. But I can't just sit back and accept that kind of behavior from anyone anymore. There are a lot of things that I agree with at Harvest but working there, I saw a whole other side. It was like watching a beautiful ballet for years but then going backstage and seeing the disaster it was behind the scenes. There are bits and pieces everywhere that are ugly and disassembled, people are crying because of nerves or mistakes, people are angry because of said mistakes. It sucks but that's life. It's a messy shit show at times, no matter who or where you are. This is not to encourage people to stop going to Harvest at all. It's just to show that no matter what church you go to, there is always going to be ugly in it. We are naturally born sinners. That's why we need God in our lives. God is the only One Who is a true example of grace and love. He has shown me grace when I honestly did not deserve it. He loves me unconditionally, even when I fall short.
I know that just because I left Harvest, it doesn't mean that I'm going to stop running into people like this. But at least in a secular job, I'll expect it and be able to accept it more. Again, I know I am nowhere near a perfect christian and there are things I need to work on. Please, people, BE KIND! Goodness gracious, BE FREAKING KIND. It is not that hard. It won't cost you a damn thing to be nice. People are KILLING themselves more and more because of bullying and not being accepted by their piers. Stop being mean! Stop being an ugly human being! It's disgusting and I want no part in your life.
I'm sorry to those who may be offended but if you are, maybe you're part of the problem. And if you have a problem with me now, unfollow me. I have amazing, supportive friends and family in my life and I don't need to be a part of your drama. Any rude comments will be deleted and you will be blocked. I just don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
Anyway, my rant is over now. Thanks for anyone who read the whole thing without getting angry and anyone who read this in general. I appreciate you listening. Thank you for letting me vent. I have flaws, I just really hope people take a harder look at themselves the next time they are mean to someone, especially when they're depressed or going through a rough time. My mom could have used plenty of more nice people in her life and I don't know if it would have changed the outcome, but it would have made her life a lot better while she was on this earth. Think before you speak. Be kind.
Mommy, I miss you and love you so much. I wish I had been more kind to you and that you would have had a happier life, because you deserved it.
Forever and Always,
Your Munchkin
This week has been full of changes. My last day at Harvest was on Wednesday and to say it was emotional would be an understatement. My life has gone through so many ups and downs since starting there 6 years ago. I've made so many amazing friends that I know will be life long and the experience I gained helped me land my dream job. I had my first official espresso training yesterday for Augie's and I realized that I still have so much more to learn and that excites me but makes me nervous at the same time. We won't open for another couple of weeks so I'm happy they encourage practicing in the warehouse so I can really hone in my skills. More on Augie's later as the weeks go on.
Now I need to vent. As for Harvest, my perspective has drastically changed over the years since first attending in 1999. I know that those who currently work there might not fully agree, and that's fine; to each their own. I originally thought it was going to be like working for Disneyland in a sense. As a christian, I was so excited to work with other christians who would be uplifting prayer warriors and friends. Don't get me wrong, I definitely met plenty of true christians. And I'm far from the "perfect christian". But it was a hard pill to swallow when I ran into others who were not perfect christians as well. It was a harsh reality that I'm glad I was thrown into because I learned how to show more grace and compassion but at the same time, it helped me realize the kind of example I didn't want to be. I fell short often and still do. I love the friends I made over the years but I won't name the ones who really hurt me. When I was having a rough day because my dad had just left, grace wasn't shown. When a friend told me they reached out to a pastor for counseling, he told them that "depression is a choice". That's bullshit. There were employees who would come in with their own cups and mugs and take soda or coffee without paying. At first it was kind of angering how many times we would send out an email about it but eventually we all gave up and decided that was between them and God. That was a super small thing but just kind of got to me from time to time. It was the rest of it that I couldn't stand to hear or see. Especially when it came to my dear friends. There were employees who would treat us at the cafe like servants, like we were beneath them. I was cleaning up a requisition and as I was throwing out the meat and fruit platters, someone said "We usually leave that for the custodians for them to eat". I replied "This has been sitting here for over 6 hours, unrefrigerated and they could get sick" to which he responded "They're just custodians". Umm, WHAT?! I know all sins are the same in God's eyes and that makes me just as much of a sinner as the next person but damn. I can't stand people like that. How dare you say depression is a choice? How dare you not have compassion for someone who just had their father walk out on their family? How dare you say "suicide is not an answer, Jesus is" after someone's loved one commits suicide? What is wrong with you? And to those who know and work there that I love, I can promise you that this has nothing to do with being fired at first for getting pregnant before marriage. What I did was wrong in God's eyes and I understood it, even though it killed me for those 6 hours until someone else stood up for me and graciously gave me another chance. You know who you are and I thank you for that second chance. It allowed me to go on maternity leave when I needed it without suffering too much of a pay cut. You had compassion and grace when I definitely needed it most. If some of my friends take offense to reading this, I apologize. But I can't just sit back and accept that kind of behavior from anyone anymore. There are a lot of things that I agree with at Harvest but working there, I saw a whole other side. It was like watching a beautiful ballet for years but then going backstage and seeing the disaster it was behind the scenes. There are bits and pieces everywhere that are ugly and disassembled, people are crying because of nerves or mistakes, people are angry because of said mistakes. It sucks but that's life. It's a messy shit show at times, no matter who or where you are. This is not to encourage people to stop going to Harvest at all. It's just to show that no matter what church you go to, there is always going to be ugly in it. We are naturally born sinners. That's why we need God in our lives. God is the only One Who is a true example of grace and love. He has shown me grace when I honestly did not deserve it. He loves me unconditionally, even when I fall short.
I know that just because I left Harvest, it doesn't mean that I'm going to stop running into people like this. But at least in a secular job, I'll expect it and be able to accept it more. Again, I know I am nowhere near a perfect christian and there are things I need to work on. Please, people, BE KIND! Goodness gracious, BE FREAKING KIND. It is not that hard. It won't cost you a damn thing to be nice. People are KILLING themselves more and more because of bullying and not being accepted by their piers. Stop being mean! Stop being an ugly human being! It's disgusting and I want no part in your life.
I'm sorry to those who may be offended but if you are, maybe you're part of the problem. And if you have a problem with me now, unfollow me. I have amazing, supportive friends and family in my life and I don't need to be a part of your drama. Any rude comments will be deleted and you will be blocked. I just don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
Anyway, my rant is over now. Thanks for anyone who read the whole thing without getting angry and anyone who read this in general. I appreciate you listening. Thank you for letting me vent. I have flaws, I just really hope people take a harder look at themselves the next time they are mean to someone, especially when they're depressed or going through a rough time. My mom could have used plenty of more nice people in her life and I don't know if it would have changed the outcome, but it would have made her life a lot better while she was on this earth. Think before you speak. Be kind.
Mommy, I miss you and love you so much. I wish I had been more kind to you and that you would have had a happier life, because you deserved it.
Forever and Always,
Your Munchkin
The church is made up of sinners and it stinks when they act it instead of reflecting Christ. I agree there were some very poor attitudes that didn't treat all employees with the same respect that they should have. Keep learning, keep fighting, keep loving. Miss you and miss you being able to make me coffee.
ReplyDeleteGirl you are spot on and you’re amazing for saying it.
ReplyDelete