Entry 1: Introduction
Hello Mommy,
Today is full of new life happenings. I put my 2 weeks in at a job I worked at for 6 years to start my dream job. I'm beyond excited but definitely nervous to leave a job I've poured my heart into (and coffee) for basically one fifth of my life. I decided to start a new blog to actively write in weekly. This is not only a journal for my own therapeutic use, but hopefully it will inspire, encourage, and wrap a hug around others who may need it. Now, for an introduction to my readers on who I am and why I decided to start this blog:
My name is Melodye Anderson and as of this date, I am 29 years old, married to the love of my life, and a mother to a beautiful 8 month old girl. I am a Christian, though I consider myself a libertarian. The job I am leaving is a position as a barista at Harvest Christian Fellowship, and the new job I just accepted is for a position as a barista at Augie's. For those who know me, you know I've been dreaming of working there for at least 2 years. But I'll update you all with that when I start the job.
Now for the heavy stuff. In December of 2011, I lost my mother, Wendy Aileen Murdock-Fields, when she decided to take her own life. She battled with many illnesses, including Crohn's disease and Graves' disease, along with depression and anxiety. She was only 46 but it wasn't too much of a surprise when she committed suicide. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to live the life that she did; I'm even impressed that she lived as long as she did. If I struggled with everything she struggled with, I could have imagined myself giving up a lot younger than 46. My mother was not selfish. I do not blame her. I am not angry at her. I hold no resentment. I do miss her like crazy. I wish she could be alive to see the person I've become because, dammit, I'm proud of who I am today. I know she'd be proud too. She was my best friend. I knew I could come to her with anything and there would be no judgement (except for when I got my first tattoo). I told her when I was 14 that I had a drink of alcohol. I told her when I first had sex. I cried to her over heartbreaks. She shared my joys when I graduated high school, got my first job, and started college. She taught me about life and raised me to be the awkwardly badass woman I am now. I am forever thankful to God for the 22 short years I had with her. I know she struggled and in a way, I am happy for her. She is no longer in pain. She is no longer depressed. She doesn't need any more surgeries. She doesn't need to stay in the hospital ever again. Yes, I am indeed happy for her.
Something I probably won't talk much about, and haven't really talked much about on social media, is my father. We had an amazing relationship for 25 years of my life. Then he left. At this point, we are all much better off without him. I forgive him for the damage he's caused to myself and my family, but I don't foresee us ever having the relationship we once had restored. Daddy issues, am I right? Anyway...
With this blog, I am hoping to learn more about myself, allow myself to grieve, allow myself to rejoice, share my thoughts, and share the many adventures this beautiful life will bring to me. In doing this, I hope to help at least one person reading my entries. I want to tell my story; past and present. I want to show you that suicide is a very real thing. It is devastating. It is strengthening. It is an uphill battle. It is a learning process. It is a game changer. But if anyone can get you through it, God can. One of my favorite sayings I've learned over recent years is "but God". With any struggle I'm dealing with, I need to remind myself "but God". I am in no way a perfect Christian. I got pregnant before I was married. I drink wine almost daily. I swear on occasion. I love the Lord, but I am a sinner, just like every human on the planet.
This is a no judgement zone, therefore, I will not tolerate any comments talking down to me or anyone I write about (yes, even my father). I am simply here to vent and to try to offer a shoulder for anyone to cry on. I hope you can deal with that and if not, don't read any further entries.
To my family and friends, thank you for loving me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for compassion.
To my Lord and Savior, thank You for grace. Your grace is sufficient. Thank You for forgiving my sins. Thank You for answered prayers, even if the answer is no. Thank You for this wonderful and crazy life You have gifted to me. I love You and will forever praise You.
And to my mommy, I miss you, I love you, and I will make you proud.
Forever and Always,
Your Munchkin
Today is full of new life happenings. I put my 2 weeks in at a job I worked at for 6 years to start my dream job. I'm beyond excited but definitely nervous to leave a job I've poured my heart into (and coffee) for basically one fifth of my life. I decided to start a new blog to actively write in weekly. This is not only a journal for my own therapeutic use, but hopefully it will inspire, encourage, and wrap a hug around others who may need it. Now, for an introduction to my readers on who I am and why I decided to start this blog:
My name is Melodye Anderson and as of this date, I am 29 years old, married to the love of my life, and a mother to a beautiful 8 month old girl. I am a Christian, though I consider myself a libertarian. The job I am leaving is a position as a barista at Harvest Christian Fellowship, and the new job I just accepted is for a position as a barista at Augie's. For those who know me, you know I've been dreaming of working there for at least 2 years. But I'll update you all with that when I start the job.
Now for the heavy stuff. In December of 2011, I lost my mother, Wendy Aileen Murdock-Fields, when she decided to take her own life. She battled with many illnesses, including Crohn's disease and Graves' disease, along with depression and anxiety. She was only 46 but it wasn't too much of a surprise when she committed suicide. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to live the life that she did; I'm even impressed that she lived as long as she did. If I struggled with everything she struggled with, I could have imagined myself giving up a lot younger than 46. My mother was not selfish. I do not blame her. I am not angry at her. I hold no resentment. I do miss her like crazy. I wish she could be alive to see the person I've become because, dammit, I'm proud of who I am today. I know she'd be proud too. She was my best friend. I knew I could come to her with anything and there would be no judgement (except for when I got my first tattoo). I told her when I was 14 that I had a drink of alcohol. I told her when I first had sex. I cried to her over heartbreaks. She shared my joys when I graduated high school, got my first job, and started college. She taught me about life and raised me to be the awkwardly badass woman I am now. I am forever thankful to God for the 22 short years I had with her. I know she struggled and in a way, I am happy for her. She is no longer in pain. She is no longer depressed. She doesn't need any more surgeries. She doesn't need to stay in the hospital ever again. Yes, I am indeed happy for her.
Something I probably won't talk much about, and haven't really talked much about on social media, is my father. We had an amazing relationship for 25 years of my life. Then he left. At this point, we are all much better off without him. I forgive him for the damage he's caused to myself and my family, but I don't foresee us ever having the relationship we once had restored. Daddy issues, am I right? Anyway...
With this blog, I am hoping to learn more about myself, allow myself to grieve, allow myself to rejoice, share my thoughts, and share the many adventures this beautiful life will bring to me. In doing this, I hope to help at least one person reading my entries. I want to tell my story; past and present. I want to show you that suicide is a very real thing. It is devastating. It is strengthening. It is an uphill battle. It is a learning process. It is a game changer. But if anyone can get you through it, God can. One of my favorite sayings I've learned over recent years is "but God". With any struggle I'm dealing with, I need to remind myself "but God". I am in no way a perfect Christian. I got pregnant before I was married. I drink wine almost daily. I swear on occasion. I love the Lord, but I am a sinner, just like every human on the planet.
This is a no judgement zone, therefore, I will not tolerate any comments talking down to me or anyone I write about (yes, even my father). I am simply here to vent and to try to offer a shoulder for anyone to cry on. I hope you can deal with that and if not, don't read any further entries.
To my family and friends, thank you for loving me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for compassion.
To my Lord and Savior, thank You for grace. Your grace is sufficient. Thank You for forgiving my sins. Thank You for answered prayers, even if the answer is no. Thank You for this wonderful and crazy life You have gifted to me. I love You and will forever praise You.
And to my mommy, I miss you, I love you, and I will make you proud.
Forever and Always,
Your Munchkin
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